Bride and bridesmaids fooling around and drink champagne.

How to deal with a disappointing Maid of Honour

There are some things you can do to resolve the situation or to avoid it in the first place.

With much thought, you’ve chosen your maid of honour and she’s accepted. Now comes the difficult year of planning and preparing for your special day. Suddenly you realize that your maid of honour isn’t living up to your expectations. There are some things you can do to resolve the situation or to avoid it in the first place. Keep these tips in mind when dealing with your maid of honour.

Your maid of honour may not realize that she is disappointing you. In fact, if she hasn’t yet been through her own wedding she probably has absolutely no idea of what to expect nor what is expected of her. As soon as you begin to find that your maid of honour isn’t doing what you expect, you need to have a sit-down with her. The sooner you have this talk the better since your resentment and anger will continue to grow the longer the situation continues to brew.

Most of the time, a disappointing maid of honour happens simply because she was unaware of what you expected from her. When you choose a maid of honour, discuss the important details of what you want her to do and give her a chance to decline rather than accept a position for which she is unprepared. If your maid of honour is chosen and has begun to miss appointments or refuses to assist you when needed, the best thing you can do is tell her. She may be angry at first, but you need to discuss with her the importance of being your maid of honour.

When your maid of honour is continually unable or unwilling to help you-you’ll need to take some action. While she can maintain the title of maid of honour if you like, you can enlist the help of other members of your bridal party. If you have a married friend you can actually name her as your “matron of honour”. If you have a sister or cousin or other relative or good friend, ask this person for assistance. There is no need to discuss the disappointing situation that has occurred with your maid of honour – simply ask for some additional help.

You are in charge of your own wedding. As the big day approaches you’ll want to give out assignments to your family and bridal party. At this point, shift some of the responsibilities that would normally fall on the maid of honour to another friend or family member. For the items that can’t be shifted (she’ll be standing next to you at the ceremony) be sure that you provide a list of specific things that you want to make sure she does on your wedding day. If you plan ahead and stay aware of the situation you’ll be able to avoid problems and have a wonderful wedding day.

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